Wednesday, February 24, 2016

I'm not a writer, yet (A perfect example of the rambling that often occurs in my mind...)

That's not a very nice title, (I had to edit my title because I didn't want to offend your good senses). I know  The truth is, there are days when I think there is supposed to be more to my days.  I'm very happy with my life.  I recognize and acknowledge that I am the luckiest person in the world.  I have a wonderful husband, we have a beautiful family and our life is really, really good.  If I ever wondered what life would look like if it is true what scripture says about joy overflowing, I don't wonder any more. My joy does overflow. So, I'm not complaining about my life.  I actually would like to find a venue for sharing parts of my life that I think would be an encouragement to others


[And I am searching for an outlet for the creative energy that builds up inside of me]

Let me be clear, I'd love to be able to share what God has done in my life. That sounds so ridiculously cliche that I often never get past that thought.  But many cliches have become very real to me, they come to life and make sense to me.  There is a reason words strung together in a sentence become "cliche", and it's often because there is truth in them. Wise people have experienced things in their life and then want to share their wisdom with others and because there is so much meaning behind the words, they are often repeated.  They make no sense to us when they are not relevant, but when we get to a place in our own journey, our own life that they make sense to us we do take notice. Suddenly a cliche statement seems to jolt us out of our brain fog.  Sometimes it feels as though they are speaking directly to us in this very moment of our life.  Songs that we’ve heard hundreds of times on the radio or as a movie soundtrack, we suddenly hear something in a different way than ever before and it stakes a claim on our hearts – it names our worry, fear, confusion, joy…  

[see how I digressed here...] Music is a gift of God; it is part of creation.  Music really starts at its origin with the sound of nature - the wind in the trees, crickets chirping, birds singing, water trickling, my favorite – the sounds of tiny shells on the beach as the waves rush over them as they come ashore and then back out again.  Nature’s music allows us to receive, to hear the silent words planted in our minds, music created by man leads our thoughts in a direction – it can be in a favorable direction or not.  Songs always have a message, they always contain a story, what that message is has an effect on our moods, our minds.  The music I like the most always has a positive message, I intentionally stay away from music that doesn’t.  It’s simply not good for me to listen to anything that leads me down dark paths.  Lately I’ve realized that when I am looking for inspiration for writing, I can count on a good song to provide it. 

Squirrel.  I cannot stay focused on a single topic to save my life.  Who wants to read anything I would have to write.

I’m trying to learn about the art of writing.  I get bits and pieces from all kinds of sources.  Many say that part of the problem is just not doing the work.  One source suggests not to “think something up – get something down”.  It’s Julia Cameron who said that.  Diana said, “What you need to decide is what do you want to write and then start. :) “  Yeah, that sounds about right.  I don’t even know what I want to write. Am I a fiction writer?  Am I a devotional writer?  Am I a blogger?  Can I preach, teach, reach?  Who knows!?  What I do know – I am slowly going absolutely crazy!!!  I am a super happy wife to a great husband, who loves me so well I can’t even tell you.  I am mom to a bunch of kids who I cherish more than I could ever express in words or any other way.  I love these people with all my heart.  And I love God.  I know more today than I did ten years ago and I know in my mind and in my heart that I will certainly know more ten years from today than I do today.  I want to always be teachable.  I don’t want to stop growing, to become stagnant.  That would be a terrible waste of life.

So what do I write?  Who am I writing for?  What is my topic, who is my audience?  For what purpose am I trying to write out these words, thoughts?  I don’t even have stories in my head.  I don’t feel inspired in particular and in the brief allusive moments that I do feel inspired I can’t get it written down anywhere before it simply slips out of my mind like so much sands slipping through my fingers. 

Anyone who is not illiterate can write.  Why do I think I have anything to offer?  There are way smarter people out there saying the same things I think most of the time and they say it much more eloquently.  Why do I think I have anything to offer?  What do I think I have to offer?  I don’t.  That’s the problem.  It doesn’t leave me alone though.  Maybe I should squash it like a nasty little stink bug. Find your flippin’ voice, Susan.  Are you afraid of your voice? 



I give up. Maybe. I don't know.  I need help.
Susan

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