That's what it looks like...

Writing what I know, what I've learned in my little world.  That's what I think I'm supposed to do.  That makes sense.  It makes more sense to me than all the other things I've considered my writing should be about.  What does living what I've learned look like?  What does being a Christian look like in the life of a 50-something, stay-at-home-mom of five and grandma to three (and prayerfully more!), former homeschooling, spouse of a military retiree, lover of all things hospitality, - look at that - I could go on and on and on!  By George, I think I've hit on something BIG.  Finally :-)

Susan

I'm not a writer, yet (A perfect example of the rambling that often occurs in my mind...)

That's not a very nice title, (I had to edit my title because I didn't want to offend your good senses). I know  The truth is, there are days when I think there is supposed to be more to my days.  I'm very happy with my life.  I recognize and acknowledge that I am the luckiest person in the world.  I have a wonderful husband, we have a beautiful family and our life is really, really good.  If I ever wondered what life would look like if it is true what scripture says about joy overflowing, I don't wonder any more. My joy does overflow. So, I'm not complaining about my life.  I actually would like to find a venue for sharing parts of my life that I think would be an encouragement to others

[And I am searching for an outlet for the creative energy that builds up inside of me]

Let me be clear, I'd love to be able to share what God has done in my life. That sounds so ridiculously cliche that I often never get past that thought.  But many cliches have become very real to me, they come to life and make sense to me.  There is a reason words strung together in a sentence become "cliche", and it's often because there is truth in them. Wise people have experienced things in their life and then want to share their wisdom with others and because there is so much meaning behind the words, they are often repeated.  They make no sense to us when they are not relevant, but when we get to a place in our own journey, our own life that they make sense to us we do take notice. Suddenly a cliche statement seems to jolt us out of our brain fog.  Sometimes it feels as though they are speaking directly to us in this very moment of our life.  Songs that we’ve heard hundreds of times on the radio or as a movie soundtrack, we suddenly hear something in a different way than ever before and it stakes a claim on our hearts – it names our worry, fear, confusion, joy…  

[see how I digressed here...] Music is a gift of God; it is part of creation.  Music really starts at its origin with the sound of nature - the wind in the trees, crickets chirping, birds singing, water trickling, my favorite – the sounds of tiny shells on the beach as the waves rush over them as they come ashore and then back out again.  Nature’s music allows us to receive, to hear the silent words planted in our minds, music created by man leads our thoughts in a direction – it can be in a favorable direction or not.  Songs always have a message, they always contain a story, what that message is has an effect on our moods, our minds.  The music I like the most always has a positive message, I intentionally stay away from music that doesn’t.  It’s simply not good for me to listen to anything that leads me down dark paths.  Lately I’ve realized that when I am looking for inspiration for writing, I can count on a good song to provide it. 

Squirrel.  I cannot stay focused on a single topic to save my life.  Who wants to read anything I would have to write.

I’m trying to learn about the art of writing.  I get bits and pieces from all kinds of sources.  Many say that part of the problem is just not doing the work.  One source suggests not to “think something up – get something down”.  It’s Julia Cameron who said that.  Diana said, “What you need to decide is what do you want to write and then start. :) “  Yeah, that sounds about right.  I don’t even know what I want to write. Am I a fiction writer?  Am I a devotional writer?  Am I a blogger?  Can I preach, teach, reach?  Who knows!?  What I do know – I am slowly going absolutely crazy!!!  I am a super happy wife to a great husband, who loves me so well I can’t even tell you.  I am mom to a bunch of kids who I cherish more than I could ever express in words or any other way.  I love these people with all my heart.  And I love God.  I know more today than I did ten years ago and I know in my mind and in my heart that I will certainly know more ten years from today than I do today.  I want to always be teachable.  I don’t want to stop growing, to become stagnant.  That would be a terrible waste of life.

So what do I write?  Who am I writing for?  What is my topic, who is my audience?  For what purpose am I trying to write out these words, thoughts?  I don’t even have stories in my head.  I don’t feel inspired in particular and in the brief allusive moments that I do feel inspired I can’t get it written down anywhere before it simply slips out of my mind like so much sands slipping through my fingers. 

Anyone who is not illiterate can write.  Why do I think I have anything to offer?  There are way smarter people out there saying the same things I think most of the time and they say it much more eloquently.  Why do I think I have anything to offer?  What do I think I have to offer?  I don’t.  That’s the problem.  It doesn’t leave me alone though.  Maybe I should squash it like a nasty little stink bug. Find your flippin’ voice, Susan.  Are you afraid of your voice? 

I give up. Maybe. I don't know.  I need help.

Susan

The lesson continues...

Looking back on the last few days, I've learned a lot.  I am simply reminded that I love my life, I love my husband who is, indeed, my best friend.  This isn't the first lesson in this subject, it was just a refresher course.

Rest and have peace knowing that God has my very best interest at heart.  He provides all my needs, including whatever relationships He feels I need.  And while He's at it, He protects me from those that I don't.  He mostly protects me from myself.

Learning to have peace in my soul while my mind wrestles with all things of this life takes constant surrender.  I'm thankful for having learned this and the reminder to practice it daily.

The power we've given other people to injure us.

We isolate because we are attempting to insulate ourselves from being hurt by the thoughtlessness or sometimes even intentional words of others.  Hypocrisy.  I could have that conversation with someone I've developed a friendship with - but not if I haven't taken the time to build some bridges of trust.  So the question is, do I invite and initiate friendships in order to develop safe avenues for those types of conversations or do I continue to isolate and hope I never experience pain from others' words or the assumed meanings I see behind them?

Pondering this today...
Susan

Don't blink, you might miss it

Hey, did you see that?  It's Valentine's Day.  My husband and I have been married for going on 32 years.  This was the 34th time we have shared Valentine's together. I could have asked for flowers, chocolates or even jewelry when he asked me what I'd like, but I told him I didn't need or want a single thing.  I have everything I could ever want.  And that is true, but...  what I ended up receiving was something so very priceless.  Despite some nasty February weather and treacherous roads, all but one of our children showed up at church today.  And then they found their way to our home and enjoyed some time together which is becoming more and more rare these days. It was spontaneous, stress free and heart-warming.  The best gift I could have received. 

I love it when I look around and realize, wow, God just did that.  Thank you, Father.

Susan

Transitions, here we go...

It's early, and I'm dealing with a head cold today.  That always slows me down.  It also serves up a good portion of compassion in me for my family members, because they seem to suffer from this way more often than I do.  The silver lining in feeling like crud. :-)

To be honest, I'm not really sure what I'll be writing here.  I've been wrestling with myself, not able to understand the reason or the direction for writing at all.  What I do know is that every time I go through periods of thinking about writing, talking about writing, praying about writing it always seems to end up in a standoff, and I am left feeling more confused and frustrated every time.  I walk away and get busy doing the other things I know for sure are my given tasks and try to put the whole writing thing on the back burner or take it off the radar altogether.  Clearly, it doesn't stay off the radar.  And since I've prayed so much about it and asked for help surrendering it, I'm leaning toward it not being a tool of the enemy - I would surely hope that I would never write anything that would advance his cause rather than be used by my Good Father to advance His. This week I remembered that, when it comes to doing what we feel God is directing us to do it, is our responsibility to respond by doing our part, and then letting go and letting God do with it what He will.

One of the things I frequently get hung up on when I try to step forward in this is the aesthetics of the place where it will rest, namely a blog.  I've spent hours and hours and a lot of frustration just trying to get a blog template set up with the write colors, the perfect title that will capture all of what I envision it will become and trying to figure out how much of myself and my family I will share here. The question of how to be honest and genuine in my writing without exposing an uncomfortable or unsafe amount of information about my family is one I take seriously.

{This is one of those moments when I realize there is a parallel and a lesson to be learned in my behavior as a wannabe writer and as a Christian.  How often do I also waste time and energy trying to figure out how I want my life to look when witnessed by others?  I have lived - am still living - seasons of trying to figure that all out.}

To solve that smallish challenge and move on... I have tweaked and merged a couple of my blogs, with my real name and made it very plain.  And I think the subtitle does a pretty good job at capturing the spirit of the writing here. That's what it's all about - my life and the lessons I'm learning and want to share.

So, thanks for taking a moment out of your own day to let me share my thoughts about A Life in Progress...

Susan